I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
