Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
