made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
