Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
