i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
