just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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