and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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