found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
