we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
