I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
