....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
