Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
