I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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