Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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