Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
