Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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