Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
