guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
