Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
