just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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