I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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