I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
