so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
