so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
