So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize