you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize