at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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