My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
