Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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