why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
