All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
