he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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