I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
