these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
