one two three fourrrrnication!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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