I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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