yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
