she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize