no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
