Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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