Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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