Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
