I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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