So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
