RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this just has baby written all over it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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