I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
