I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize