so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
