how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
