dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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