Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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