We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
