I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
