if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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