Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize