were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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