You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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