U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
