Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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