Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
