Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
