Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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