Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
