So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
