Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
