Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Did I show you my penis last night?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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