you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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