Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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