I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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