pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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