...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
