Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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