i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
