so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
