i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
