I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
