Having a random hookup so left but love u
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How's work?
Spinning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
