i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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