i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
