told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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