He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
