So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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