im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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