I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
