What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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