dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize