Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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