Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
