I need help removing her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
