either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sarcasm needs its own font
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
