did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize